Week 6 - Weigh In

Loss for the week: -0.6 lbs
Starting weight: 238.0 lbs
Current weight: 228.8 lbs
Total loss to date: 9.2 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 3.87%

Only .8 lbs away from 10 lbs lost!!! I’m determined to start exercising again and hit the 10 lbs lost by next week! I’m glad with all of the stress going on in my life right now that I am still losing.

Update: A few different people are interested in the apartment and 3 or more families have looked at the place, however my landlord said that there is “no possible way anyone can move in by March 1^st.” So it looks like I’m stuck paying for another month- which is $350 more for rent that I can’t afford, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. I wish the landlord would have put the sign up and the ad on craigslist when I told him I would like to move rather than waiting two weeks later. If he would have put it up when I told him there probably would have been a chance to find someone for March. I just hope that by sticking it out with the place and staying current with rent that I will be able to get my full Security Deposit back, or at least the security deposit minus the carpet cleaning. Oh.. and I also got denied for the apartment that I want to move into. They said due to my recent bankruptcy and an outstanding Electric bill (which I had already paid by the time they got back to me) that I would need a co-signer in order to be approved. I talked to my Dad and surprisingly he is going to co-sign for me. I think I will be in debt to him forever and I’m sure he’ll call me every 20^th of the month to ask if I’d sent the rent in, but I guess I made my bed and now I have to lay in it.

Dave and I are being cordial at least. It still bothers me that he moved on so quickly with other women and I’m pretty sure he has another girlfriend already (and it hasn’t even been a month since we broke up yet) but I know how he is- and I shouldn’t expect any less.

I got asked out on a date through facebook chat with someone that I used to go to High School with. However his name seemed familiar so I looked him up on Wisconsin Circuit Court to see if he had any dirt, and sure enough- he has Child Abuse on his record. Needless to say I did not accept the date and blocked him from facebook!

There is another boy that is somewhat interested in me.. I think. I am getting mixed signals. He came over to my house on Friday with my brother and some other friends and hung out. Then he texted me the next day and said he’d like to stop over if I’m ok with that. Even though I didn’t really want him to because I just wanted to be lazy and didn’t feel like getting all dolled up, I said yes. I waited… and waited (he didn’t give me a time for when he was coming over) and I finally texted him at 9:30pm and said I was getting tired and we’d have to do it another night because I had to be up early. He texted at the exact same time (before he got my message) and said he’s still out and thinks he’ll be out all night so he’ll talk to me tomorrow. So I’m not sure why HE asked me to hang out and then HE cancelled, but who knows. I’m not going to put any effort into seeing him again, so if he wants to see me again, he will have to set it up.

Week 5 - Weigh In

Loss for the week: -1.4 lbs
Starting weight: 238.0 lbs
Current weight: 229.4 lbs
Total loss to date: 8.6 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 3.61%

Week 4 - Weigh In

Loss for the week: -3.8 lbs
Starting weight: 238.0 lbs
Current weight: 230.8 lbs
Total loss to date: 7.2 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 3.03%



I made Weight Loss awards for myself kind of like how Weight Watchers does, so for each 5 pounds I lose, I will be putting up a reward star. I think I’ll also make a couple for % of weight loss and put them up when I reach 5%, 10%, etc.

I think a big part of my weight loss for the week had to do with stress. I didn’t get to any exercise last week and had times where I was too disgusted with what was going on that I couldn’t even eat. I think I went a whole 24 hours without eating at one point.

I will write each of my current worries right now below:

Finding an Apartment for March 1^st:

I started out looking for an apartment in the same district as Lukas’ school, but haven’t had much luck finding anything. I’m not sure if it will even matter if the school is in the district though, if I have to take him to Day Care for before and after school because I have to leave for work before he goes to school and work until after he is back. So if I find an apartment outside of the school district, I have to find a day care that will take him before and after school AND provide him a ride to and from school. Right now I think my best bet is to use the before and after program that his school provides, but I don’t know if I can afford it and how much, if any, assistance I will get paying for it. I’m also worried about putting my current land lord on my application for other apartments. He seems like he understands what is going on right now and that I don’t really have a choice but to break the lease right now, but it’s still breaking the lease. So if new Apartment Managers call him, I’m assuming he will tell them I am breaking the lease and possibly that we have paid rent late a few times, which probably isn’t what a new Apartment Manager wants to hear.

Child Care/Babysitting:

I found out that I do qualify for Child Care assistance, but am still waiting to hear how MUCH assistance I qualify for. It could be $10 a month; it could be $300 a month! Right now I have no idea. So I can’t really make any decisions on Day Care until I find out more information on that. Also, my mother would like to continue watching the kids two days a week, but that would not work for Lukas if we are not in the same school district since I would need to take him somewhere that has access to get him to school. Also, most Day Cares don’t accept part time for children less than 2 years of age. So I now have to wait to see if it would be cheaper to pay my Mom for a full week of babysitting with no assistance, or if it will be cheaper to take Brayden to a full time daycare where I can get assistance.

Food Stamps and Monthly Expenses:

I currently qualify for Food Stamps considering in the rent I am paying now (which I couldn’t even afford to pay by myself if I hadn’t have gotten my taxes back), but I had my caseworker check if I would still apply if my rent went down to $645 a month {which is still out of my price range} and she said I would not qualify. It’s crazy how I wouldn’t qualify anymore, but I can’t figure out in my budget how I am going to make it. I currently have budgeted for $200 a month for food, but that also includes diapers, wipes, toilet paper, and all of the other odds and ends. That is also not including any of the luxuries of cable and internet.

Dave and My Sister:

I found out over the weekend that my own sister allegedly set Dave up with one of her friends for a good night, if you know what I mean. My own SISTER!! She claims that she isn’t the one that set it up- that she just mentioned “wouldn’t that be crazy if you and Dave hooked up” to her friend and that her friend ran with the idea. Even still… she knew that it was happening and didn’t say anything to her friend or Dave that it probably wasn’t a good idea. In fact, she told them she wouldn’t say anything to me. And her friend knows the whole story with me and Dave and that we just broke up too. AND they never even met before!! So I pretty much feel betrayed by my own sister. She shouldn’t be having secrets with Dave that she is keeping from me! Oh.. her friend also mentioned on Facebook that I should be THANKING her for what she did and that she did it for me because they didn’t think I had the backbone to leave him before she did that. How nice of her, huh?? To have sex with a man she never met.. just for me. I feel SOO appreciative!!! {GAG!!!} Then, to make matters worse, on Sunday when my sister was coming to pick up her son which I watched over the weekend for her, I asked my Mother to tell her that we would send him out when she got to my house because I didn’t want to see her and guess what?! She came in anyways. I went downstairs since I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE HER and she stayed oh… for about 5 hours or so. So I was stuck in my room by myself for the rest of the night, while she help herself to my tv in MY house to watch the Super Bowl because she doesn’t have cable at her own house. I told my Mom to tell her to leave because I didn’t want her there, but she stayed the whole damn time… just to tick me off!!! So instead of being a b*tch like her and calling the cops {which I probably should have to teach her a lesson} I just sat in my room and watched Teen Mom instead. I didn’t really feel like watching the Super Bowl alone.

My Car:

For the past month or two I noticed that the temperature gage in my car has always been at cold and that I am not really getting heat anymore. After Dave and I broke up I asked him if he could still look at my car since he never got to it while we were together. He thankfully said that he would and came to work on it on Friday with his Dad, but ended up telling me that I would have to take it to a shop because while trying to fix it they broke a bolt and didn’t have the tools to fix it anymore. So I took it to a shop on Friday and they ended up calling me back on Saturday and told me it could cost between $700 and $1600 to fix!! So I had to find a ride to go back to the shop to pick it up since I can’t afford to pay that to fix a used car that is probably not even worth that much anymore! Oh, and I also had to pay them $50 just for looking at it. So I called Dave back and told him what they said. He said if I bought them a certain tool they would probably be able to do it. So I bought the tool they needed for $140 (which he said he gets to keep) and I also agreed to pay them both $20 each for gas. Hopefully they can actually fix it this time!!! If so, they are at least saving me hundreds of dollars.

Those are all of the worries off of the top of my head... but I’m sure there are more!!

Week 3 - Weigh In

Loss for the week: -2.8 lbs
Starting weight: 238.0 lbs
Current weight: 234.6 lbs
Total loss to date: 3.4 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 1.43%

Well needless to say, I did a lot of stress eating over the weekend. I’m thankful I still had a loss at all! I did weigh in last week sometime {naughty me.. I know} and I was down to 233 lbs but then gained a couple back over the weekend. I guess Ponderosa and McDonalds will do that to you!! Who woulda thought?? I also only got one day of exercise in, and only for 30 minutes. So my goal this week is to get in at least 3 days of exercise for at least 30 minutes each… hopefully more.

Dave has been at his Dad’s house since Thursday. He stopped in on Saturday to pick up some mail and some more clothes. I’m still being strong about the whole break up. He seems to also act like this is it for us. Everything went fine until he gave Brayden a kiss and hug goodbye and then he broke down and started crying. That was rough to hear. I was in the living room while he was in the kitchen with his Dad and Brayden. Then after he put Brayden down he said “I’m ready!” And they left. I was at least able to hold my tears until they left. I think that is what makes me sad the most, is that he’s going to really miss Brayden. I hope he continues to see him on the weekends or whenever he can though. He said he might be able to still fix my car on Friday or Saturday of this week {my thermostat is broken} and asked if he could take Brayden back with him and then have me pick him up on Sunday. I think I’ll be a little nervous about Brayden going there without me, but at least his Dad and possibly Grandma will be there to help him take care of him. I just feel like sometimes Dave doesn’t watch him as closely as he should. And now I also have to think of a way to explain to Lukas why Dave is going to take Brayden with him and not him. He still calls him Dad and everything, and loves going to Grandpa’s house, so that might be a tough one for him. I think it will help though that Lukas has been seeing his real Dad, and I’ll have to explain to him that Brayden doesn’t come with him when he goes to see his real Daddy and go from there.

I also talked to the landlord on Friday and told him everything that went on. He was surprisingly pretty nice about everything and said that he knew we didn’t plan this and that I have always been pleasant to work with, etc. He said he is going to start to look for someone else to rent the place. He didn’t actually say for March 1^st but I told him I wouldn’t be able to pay the rent for that month, so hopefully he’ll get a move on it.



The Binge

Yesterday was NOT a good day. Everything was going fine until I got home from work. This is the time that seems to be my biggest challenge. I made myself a Boca Burger for dinner on a Thin Bun with ketchup, mustard, and sweet relish {delish!} and then had two pieces of the pizza that I made for Dave and the boys. I was going to stop there and would have still been within my calorie limit if I had, but then I got out the Pringles {and counted out 16 chips for one serving}. Of course I had to dip them in sour cream {at least it was light sour cream}. The type of Pringles I have are the Extreme Guacamole ones and they’re pretty spicy, and weren’t satisfying my salty craving, so I got out Dave’s Frito Scoops. Even before I started eating those I told myself if I stopped here I would still be within my calorie limit or maybe a little over… but I ignored my thoughts and I ate one, then two, and I was a goner from there. So… after the Frito Scoops came a granola bar, a Little Debbie cup cake, some pretzel sticks with peanut butter and jelly, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and some peanuts… followed by more Pringles dipped in sour cream, even though I really don’t care for them too much. I then proceeded to text Dave and asked him to pick up the new BK Stuffed Steakhouse Burger and a small fry on his way home. I finished my binge-athon with that at right around 10pm. {p.s. the burger was burnt, too spicy, and probably the worst burger I have had in a long time, but I ate all but one bite}. Oh, and I also got rid of everything by visiting the porcelain throne, not once, not twice, but three times in between all of this pandemonium. So to give a quick recap of my night- I pretty much ate from 6pm to 10pm. I was so disappointed in myself. I don’t know why I didn’t just put the Fritos back. I need to figure out what made me get to that point. Was it the Pringles? Because I wasn’t satisfied with them? Or was it the sour cream since I didn’t measure out how much of it I had? I really don’t know, but I hope that is the last time that happens! And with everything I had… it didn’t even seem like it did the trick or satisfied my craving. Nothing was like, “Oh this is delicious.” But I kept on just shoveling it in! Ugh! So disgusting! And of course I didn’t get off of my butt to exercise at all. I feel like after binging it’s just a waste of effort. So, today is a new day. I did have a weight loss of 1.2 lbs, but I did it the wrong way. So I’m not even proud of it. Here’s to hoping today will be a better day.