Week 4 - Weigh In

Loss for the week: -3.8 lbs
Starting weight: 238.0 lbs
Current weight: 230.8 lbs
Total loss to date: 7.2 lbs

Total Percentage Lost: 3.03%



I made Weight Loss awards for myself kind of like how Weight Watchers does, so for each 5 pounds I lose, I will be putting up a reward star. I think I’ll also make a couple for % of weight loss and put them up when I reach 5%, 10%, etc.

I think a big part of my weight loss for the week had to do with stress. I didn’t get to any exercise last week and had times where I was too disgusted with what was going on that I couldn’t even eat. I think I went a whole 24 hours without eating at one point.

I will write each of my current worries right now below:

Finding an Apartment for March 1^st:

I started out looking for an apartment in the same district as Lukas’ school, but haven’t had much luck finding anything. I’m not sure if it will even matter if the school is in the district though, if I have to take him to Day Care for before and after school because I have to leave for work before he goes to school and work until after he is back. So if I find an apartment outside of the school district, I have to find a day care that will take him before and after school AND provide him a ride to and from school. Right now I think my best bet is to use the before and after program that his school provides, but I don’t know if I can afford it and how much, if any, assistance I will get paying for it. I’m also worried about putting my current land lord on my application for other apartments. He seems like he understands what is going on right now and that I don’t really have a choice but to break the lease right now, but it’s still breaking the lease. So if new Apartment Managers call him, I’m assuming he will tell them I am breaking the lease and possibly that we have paid rent late a few times, which probably isn’t what a new Apartment Manager wants to hear.

Child Care/Babysitting:

I found out that I do qualify for Child Care assistance, but am still waiting to hear how MUCH assistance I qualify for. It could be $10 a month; it could be $300 a month! Right now I have no idea. So I can’t really make any decisions on Day Care until I find out more information on that. Also, my mother would like to continue watching the kids two days a week, but that would not work for Lukas if we are not in the same school district since I would need to take him somewhere that has access to get him to school. Also, most Day Cares don’t accept part time for children less than 2 years of age. So I now have to wait to see if it would be cheaper to pay my Mom for a full week of babysitting with no assistance, or if it will be cheaper to take Brayden to a full time daycare where I can get assistance.

Food Stamps and Monthly Expenses:

I currently qualify for Food Stamps considering in the rent I am paying now (which I couldn’t even afford to pay by myself if I hadn’t have gotten my taxes back), but I had my caseworker check if I would still apply if my rent went down to $645 a month {which is still out of my price range} and she said I would not qualify. It’s crazy how I wouldn’t qualify anymore, but I can’t figure out in my budget how I am going to make it. I currently have budgeted for $200 a month for food, but that also includes diapers, wipes, toilet paper, and all of the other odds and ends. That is also not including any of the luxuries of cable and internet.

Dave and My Sister:

I found out over the weekend that my own sister allegedly set Dave up with one of her friends for a good night, if you know what I mean. My own SISTER!! She claims that she isn’t the one that set it up- that she just mentioned “wouldn’t that be crazy if you and Dave hooked up” to her friend and that her friend ran with the idea. Even still… she knew that it was happening and didn’t say anything to her friend or Dave that it probably wasn’t a good idea. In fact, she told them she wouldn’t say anything to me. And her friend knows the whole story with me and Dave and that we just broke up too. AND they never even met before!! So I pretty much feel betrayed by my own sister. She shouldn’t be having secrets with Dave that she is keeping from me! Oh.. her friend also mentioned on Facebook that I should be THANKING her for what she did and that she did it for me because they didn’t think I had the backbone to leave him before she did that. How nice of her, huh?? To have sex with a man she never met.. just for me. I feel SOO appreciative!!! {GAG!!!} Then, to make matters worse, on Sunday when my sister was coming to pick up her son which I watched over the weekend for her, I asked my Mother to tell her that we would send him out when she got to my house because I didn’t want to see her and guess what?! She came in anyways. I went downstairs since I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE HER and she stayed oh… for about 5 hours or so. So I was stuck in my room by myself for the rest of the night, while she help herself to my tv in MY house to watch the Super Bowl because she doesn’t have cable at her own house. I told my Mom to tell her to leave because I didn’t want her there, but she stayed the whole damn time… just to tick me off!!! So instead of being a b*tch like her and calling the cops {which I probably should have to teach her a lesson} I just sat in my room and watched Teen Mom instead. I didn’t really feel like watching the Super Bowl alone.

My Car:

For the past month or two I noticed that the temperature gage in my car has always been at cold and that I am not really getting heat anymore. After Dave and I broke up I asked him if he could still look at my car since he never got to it while we were together. He thankfully said that he would and came to work on it on Friday with his Dad, but ended up telling me that I would have to take it to a shop because while trying to fix it they broke a bolt and didn’t have the tools to fix it anymore. So I took it to a shop on Friday and they ended up calling me back on Saturday and told me it could cost between $700 and $1600 to fix!! So I had to find a ride to go back to the shop to pick it up since I can’t afford to pay that to fix a used car that is probably not even worth that much anymore! Oh, and I also had to pay them $50 just for looking at it. So I called Dave back and told him what they said. He said if I bought them a certain tool they would probably be able to do it. So I bought the tool they needed for $140 (which he said he gets to keep) and I also agreed to pay them both $20 each for gas. Hopefully they can actually fix it this time!!! If so, they are at least saving me hundreds of dollars.

Those are all of the worries off of the top of my head... but I’m sure there are more!!

The Break Up

A lot has been going on the last couple of days so I didn’t have time to post. I am still, however, doing well with my eating and lifestyle change but do have plans today to go out to lunch with some friends where they have a fish fry. I have decided that I will only get two pieces of the BAKED fish {even though the fried is SOOO good} and no tartar sauce! I will still however get one or two potato pancakes and spread sour cream on top. I still have to enjoy something, right?! Then I will have a light dinner tonight to make up for the calories.

On the home front, things aren’t so well. I have only exercised once so far this week, and have been pretty stressed out about everything else. It all started when I had my phone interview with the state to see what our family would qualify for now that we only have one income. While she was going through the questions and got to Dave, she said that Unemployment has it listed that he resigned, rather than being fired. I told her that I didn’t think that was the case and that it was probably a mistake, and that I would get back to her about it. So I called Dave and talked to him about it and he basically said well he “assumed” that he was fired and that they told him after an argument he had with his manager “if you don’t like it you can leave,” but all he heard was “well then you can leave.” Then I asked how they can consider him quitting if they told him that he was “terminated” like he told me when it first happened, and he said, “well they didn’t actually SAY I was terminated, but I just assumed.” Soooooo… basically Dave DID quit and I had to find out about it through the state. I also happen to work with a girl that is dating one of Dave’s old coworkers, and she said that she heard from her boyfriend that Dave quit, too, but didn’t want to say anything to me. Awesome, huh? Seems everyone knows but me, and he STILL won’t admit it. So we basically just got into a huge argument and I ended up texting him and told him that he should find somewhere else to go because I’m done dealing with his crap.

I know I have told him that before, but I really think this needs to be it for us. We haven’t gotten along for a while, we’re not intimate anymore {my doing}, we don’t enjoy the same thing, and I didn’t and STILL don’t trust him… and probably never will. So he picked up some clothes and essential needs and went to stay at his Dad’s house. He pretty much told me that all I care about is money and now that he doesn’t have a job I just want to leave him, etc. He also said that I don’t support him and never will, yada yada.

I also called my landlord and since he didn’t answer {phew}, I left a message on his answering machine to call me because I’d like to talk to him about the rent situation because Dave and I split up and I won’t be able to afford the rent on my own. I told him I was sorry, but it was nothing that was planned and it just kind of happened. Hopefully he won’t be a jerk about it when he calls back. He kind of is a jerk, so I’m a little afraid. I just needed to do it sooner rather than later. Now I just need to think about where I’m going to go- whether I should stay in the same place so that Lukas can go to the same school and still take the school bus, who’s going to watch the boys for me now that Dave won’t be home, whether I can AFFORD to pay someone to watch the kids for me, etc. So a lot to think about, that’s for sure. And I’m sure there are many other things I need to think about that I haven’t even thought of yet.