Realizing I have an Eating Disorder

Common Signs Of Bulimia

The American Psychiatric Association's criteria for diagnosing bulimia is recurrent episodes of binge eating, awareness that eating patterns are abnormal, fear of not being able to stop voluntarily, depressed mood, and self-depreciating thoughts following eating binges. The weight of a bulimic can range from under to overweight. The majority range in age from teens to mid-thirties. Bulimia and anorexia nervosa (self-starvation) can be overlapping diseases. Bulimia takes a toll on the body. Induced vomiting can cause enlarged parotid glands (in the neck), inflammation in the esophagus, dental caries and erosion, and injuries to the inside of the mouth. Vomiting can lead to an electrolyte imbalance. The resulting low potassium can cause urinary tract infections, kidney failure, and heart irregularities. Laxative abuse can damage the colon and slow the intestinal tract. Water pills can cause dehydration and low potassium. A bulimic may complain of chronic indigestion, facial puffiness, sore throats, constipation, muscle weakness, irregular menses, and fatigue.

I think I need to admit to myself that I have an eating disorder. As far as I know only one or two other people know about my disorder, that is, before I wrote about it in my blog. It’s not something I really like to talk about or admit to people, but I’m trying to be brutally honest in my blog in hopes that it will help me with my weight loss journey/lifestyle change. I also hope to maybe find other people with the same problem that can give advice and help me to beat my disorder. I really don’t do it that often, probably only a couple times a month, but I realize that it is still a problem, no matter how many times I do it. It’s taking the easy way out. I need to be accountable for what I eat, and if I do have a binge, I need to deal with the consequences. Purging should not be an option for me.

Last night wasn’t as bad as the binge I mentioned last week, but it still made me feel disgusted in myself and like I had to get rid of what I ate in order to free myself of the weight gain I knew was bound to happen if I kept it. I also noticed afterwards, that I get very depressed with myself and I think that leads to me being in a bad mood, which affects not only me, but my family as well. After Dave got home I pretty much harassed him about how he has been playing online poker all day and night and not spending much time with me or the kids. Then I started in on how he hasn’t been looking for a job at all and that he needs to take anything he can get and then once he finds a job, he can continue looking for his dream job afterwards, as long as he’s bringing in money. Even though those are my true feelings, I feel like I could have been nicer about it. Although, I have talked to him about my feelings before and he doesn’t seem to care much or do anything about it. He basically just said that we should just do our own thing because we have nothing in common and don’t like the same things. I asked him why we’re even together then if we’re just going to live separate lives in the same home. It doesn’t make sense. So he pretty much said that I should just leave him then and he went and slept on the couch. I didn’t say anything after that and just went to bed.

So yesterday was just an overall bad day. I feel like I really need to think about my life and goals in general, not just with weight loss. I need to figure out what’s best for me and my children and actually do something about it.